You know how people always tell you that you’ll just know when you meet the one?  All these crazy fantasies of a soul mate and a moment in your head when you realize you have met them – things that some people believe in and some don’t.  I can say without a doubt I didn’t believe in it, not fully, until I met her.  And then it was like the universe began to make sense in a way that I can scarcely understand.  I began to feel this thing….this undeniable force inside me, a sense that this was the plan, this was always the plan and this was the person – this was the person all along.  I was just finally seeing her face.

Maybe it is a crazy notion, this concept of one person you are meant to be with – and it’s certainly never perfect, even if it is true.

Commitment is hard work, they warn.  Well.  Of course.  Of course it is.  Nothing in this life that is simple and easy all of the time is really ever worth anything because it loses its weight.  It is those things, those times where you are ready to quit and throw in the towel because it seems impossible when you feel how powerful it is – more powerful than any wall, any barrier, any rough time.

I have zero doubt, zero misgivings or second thoughts.   I know very little about what my life will become.  Except this.  This I know.  And so I slid a ring on her finger and asked her to be mine forever.

And she said yes.

This kind of love is what I dreamed about
Yeah, it fills me up
It leaves no doubt
This kind of love it’s why I’m standing here
It’s something that we can share
I can’t get enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find
And now I can’t deny I believe
This kind of faith is so unshakeable
It’s unmistakeable
It’s bigger than me

But.  BUT!  Is it wrong to ask the universe for more than one thing at once?

It feels like we are on the verge.  On the verge of everything.  Of our whole lives beginning.

The anticipation running through my body is a constant reminder of where we are – at the start of this incredible journey, one that I thought was only possible in dreams.

Now I know that every step, every brick wall, every mountain has led me to this point.

I am ready to leap.

IF you find that person?

You marry them.  Preferably right then and there.

<3

First of all –  those of you who aren’t familiar with our system of government should really read up – judicial review is part of the checks and balances system established by the founders.  It is as democratic as you can get.  Allowing a law that goes against our constitution is undemocratic.  And remember the document that started this whole party called America – the Declaration of Independence?  All were given the directive to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

How soon we forget history.  And then try to use our misconstrued view of it in the name of prejudice and fear.

And then there’s the god thing.  I’m so tired of the god thing I could throw up.  Do you want to know something?  If you would like to spend your life reading fictional stories about a guy who supposedly is the son of some mythical creature in the sky who created everything – be my guest.  Seriously, if it makes you less afraid of the short, fragile life you are living here without any indication of what comes after we die – fine with me.

But don’t you dare tell me I can’t marry the person I love because the made up rules you have created from a fictional god say it’s wrong.  And that book you are quoting?  It says a lot of things are wrong, including things you probably do in your modern life right now.  So take your blind zealotry and go sell it to someone else.

In the meantime, I will still struggle to comprehend why me being madly in love with someone who also happens to be female and marrying her threatens your marriage.  Or the institution itself.  Please, concrete examples are welcome.  So far it’s just a lot of red faced nonsensical bullshit.

Do you know what is real?  What we should all believe in?  Love.  The love we see in our families, in our friends, in our homes.  The love we feel for those around us.  That’s it – that’s all we’ve really got.  Whatever made you think you have the power or the right to deny some of us the core of what is central to all human life?

You don’t.  And we’re tired of the ranting.  The fight isn’t over but trust me when I tell you it will be.  The days for bigots to stand up and preach hate in order to deny civil rights to law abiding citizens are numbered.  The homosexual agenda, as you like to call it, the one that seeks equality for all?  (OH THE HORROR)  When history writes the books, it will be the opposition, the supporters of Prop 8, the self-righteous vindictive hate mongers who use god to perpetrate another kind of agenda who will baffle future generations.  You will look like fools, sad, pathetic fools who contributed nothing to the evolution of mankind except to remind us that love will always win.

But usually I just say oh you know, it’s pretty hard but I’m just pushing through. Or something equally as generic.  But it’s not just pretty hard.  It sometimes feels impossible and I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve hit a giant brick wall and want to throw my back against it in defeat and slump to the ground.  I just received my 4 month capstone project, the last thing I will do as an MBA student (aside from these last 3 (THREE!) classes) and the magnitude of the assignment left my jaw open for hours.  Anxiety kicking in…

I did some things though, that have made the pressure better.  I stopped looking for houses.  I’m not ready to buy even though the market is great but when it came down to it, the thought of putting roots somewhere right now seemed way too early.  Who knows what next year holds for us – Boston, maybe DC again – maybe somewhere entirely new.  I think we have too much to see and do before a house is in the mix.  Holding it off for a few years doesn’t seem crazy so much as relieving.

I also stopped trying to change anything and just focus on finishing this program.  I have applied for graduation, I have a set end date: December 15.  It is so close I can taste it.  2011 will the year to make some changes.  I think meeting the love of my life and completing an MBA is enough for this year.

I have also started to enjoy the summer, head to the beach as much as possible and bask in the warm sunshine near the ocean.  I have been trying to soak up the moments that seem to be flying by, spending time with one of my best friends and her new little boy, catching up with friends and family who I haven’t spent much time with lately.

And then there is this girl.  This girl who I wrote feverishly about the first few months of our relationship who I haven’t mentioned exclusively here lately.  I think it’s easy to get caught up in the stress and the anxiety and forget about what you really need in life.  And how fucking lucky you are if you have what you need right in front of you.  For me, it is her.  She is the beginning and the end.  She is my breath on days when I feel like I can’t breathe.  She takes my bullshit and makes it all seem less heavy, less chaotic, less insane.  She puts up with me when I am insufferable to even myself.  She brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses away the pain and fills me with a kind of love I never knew existed until now.  She is everything, everything, everything.

And when I look at her, everything is good.  Life is just insanely, amazingly good.

Sometimes there’s airplanes I can’t jump out

Sometimes there’s bullshit that don’t work now

We are god of stories but please tell me

What there is to complain about

When you’re happy like a fool

Let it take you over

When everything is out

You gotta take it in

This has got to be the good life

You’ve got a feeling

like this city’s on fire tonight

This could really be a good life

A good, good life.