One of my biggest hurdles in the past few months has been my overall lack of physical activity. When I first got Mila, I learned fairly quickly that she needed to be walked daily and I began having to incorporate that into my routine. Because it had been so long since I’d worked out (we were walking many miles every day), I began to feel better and shockingly, I lost weight. I was probably thinner over the summer than I’d been in a long time. Not to say this was the only benefit but it was summer and I actually put on a bikini – and wasn’t harpooned by the local marine biology students. Score.
I continued my good habits, even bringing in more regular yoga and some bike rides here and there even as the weather cooled down and the days grew shorter. It was probably around the beginning of December when all hell broke loose. Professionally, things were insane – in school, I was scrambling to try to finish fall semester and not die from sleep deprivation and of course, Christmas preparations didn’t help at all. I had to find time to shop, attend holiday gatherings which were accompanied by shitty food, of which there were leftovers so I could take home and continue to perpetuate my shitty eating. It was a total crap shoot as far as healthy living was concerned. And SHOCK – I found myself, post New Years, in a bad spot both mentally and physically. Crazy how not enough sleep, ridiculous stress and excess amounts of terrible food in your system will turn you into a lackluster, pissed off version of your former self.
It wasn’t even the weight gain that was bugging me, though undoubtedly some of it has returned (hello, food baby belly.) – it was really more the sense that everything in my body was slowing down, including my brain function and my ability to deal with everything from the most inane to the very stressful. (I can always tell things are going downhill when I feel unreasonably and disproportionately angry at inanimate objects and begin threatening them with harm when they don’t do what I need them to do.) I had stopped walking Mila every day as the cold weather turned from winter weather pleasantness to YOUR FACE WILL FALL OFF AND DIE IF YOU WALK OUTSIDE freezing. I had stopped pretty much any form of movement other than the basics of getting out of bed, dressing, sitting at a desk typing and preparing food.
Depression, meet my sloth-like behavior. Sloth, depression. You two have a lot in common.
So. Once I recognized the pattern, I had to put an end to it. I started by going back to yoga which was a lifesaver in and of itself. Then I made the leap and joined the gym (again). Not my first foray into trying to be a gym person, not by a long shot. But I think I’ve come to a happy middle ground which is that I don’t have to be on a crazy schedule, I don’t have to go every morning, and I don’t have to feel guilty about missing sometimes. What I do need? To move my body. Fast, preferably accompanied by some Lady Gaga blasting in my ear. I need to sweat, to feel heat and movement in my veins. To take all of the stress and push it out through the soles of my sneakers and the palms of my hands. I need to be faster than the anxiety, faster than the stress, faster than the worry and the doubt. My body has to work so my mind can feel competent, steady, assured. I have 11 months ahead of me before I can call this MBA done and throw the party of the century – I need everything inside me to move fast.
Tags: exercise, life balance, MBA, Mila