I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom. – Angus Grossart

There’s something about my brain that whispers, almost daily, you’re sort of a slacker, you know.  I mean, really.  You sat and watched a movie on Sunday night.  You could have been reading.  Writing.  Studying.  Writing a new business plan. I suppose it’s not so much of a whisper as much as a nag.

And I know it’s irrational, but there’s always that notion that there’s limited time, limited resources, limited everything really.  It’s the finite nature of my life that almost kills me, makes me irrationally determined to do more than is possible in the alloted 24 hours in any given day.  I can’t accept that there is such a thing as too much – in my brain, if there simply isn’t time, I will create it.  Make it from thin air.  Or more precisely, take it from the hours when we should be sleeping or relaxing.

It’s this irrational being that even convinces me I’m not doing enough to relax.  Right – so I am now stressed out that I’m not relaxing enough.  It says – really, you need to get back to the gym.  And yoga – it’s right down the road, you really should do more of that.

So it’s 2010.  A new year has started and you know, everyone is always chattering about new beginnings and goals and fresh to-do lists.  2010, for me, has come with a lot on its plate already.  I am working full-time (or, more precisely, more than full-time at the moment) in a very engaging and mostly enjoyable but typically stressful job.  I am trying to budget better and save money to buy a house.  And I am taking courses to finish my MBA.  Also, my 8 & 9 year old girls basketball team is starting their official season on Sunday, my almost 1 year old puppy is still acting like a 4 month old puppy, my best friend is having her first child in July (!!) – and then there’s that whole question that people love to ask – what are your plans once you finish your MBA?

HA.  Hell if I know.  Buy a fruit stand in St. Lucia and call it done?

So my only goal, really, for 2010?  Have less to do lists.  Plan less.  Realize that my busy is busy enough. Take more pictures, write more words, worry less about the repercussions of taking the time out to do so.  I’ve been worried about not having enough time to do everything I want to in life – and now I’m worried that I’ve spent too much time worrying.

So this blog is more like an experiment.  A year of entries to see if I really can have less to-do lists.  We’ll see.