When people ask me what it’s like to be in school and working full time, I want to tell them that it’s often like trying to cook a four course meal for 20 people while knitting a large sweater while doing alternating shots of vodka and coffee, performing the chicken dance and singing the National Anthem backwards.  On less than 5 hours of sleep.

But usually I just say oh you know, it’s pretty hard but I’m just pushing through. Or something equally as generic.  But it’s not just pretty hard.  It sometimes feels impossible and I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve hit a giant brick wall and want to throw my back against it in defeat and slump to the ground.  I just received my 4 month capstone project, the last thing I will do as an MBA student (aside from these last 3 (THREE!) classes) and the magnitude of the assignment left my jaw open for hours.  Anxiety kicking in…

I did some things though, that have made the pressure better.  I stopped looking for houses.  I’m not ready to buy even though the market is great but when it came down to it, the thought of putting roots somewhere right now seemed way too early.  Who knows what next year holds for us – Boston, maybe DC again – maybe somewhere entirely new.  I think we have too much to see and do before a house is in the mix.  Holding it off for a few years doesn’t seem crazy so much as relieving.

I also stopped trying to change anything and just focus on finishing this program.  I have applied for graduation, I have a set end date: December 15.  It is so close I can taste it.  2011 will the year to make some changes.  I think meeting the love of my life and completing an MBA is enough for this year.

I have also started to enjoy the summer, head to the beach as much as possible and bask in the warm sunshine near the ocean.  I have been trying to soak up the moments that seem to be flying by, spending time with one of my best friends and her new little boy, catching up with friends and family who I haven’t spent much time with lately.

And then there is this girl.  This girl who I wrote feverishly about the first few months of our relationship who I haven’t mentioned exclusively here lately.  I think it’s easy to get caught up in the stress and the anxiety and forget about what you really need in life.  And how fucking lucky you are if you have what you need right in front of you.  For me, it is her.  She is the beginning and the end.  She is my breath on days when I feel like I can’t breathe.  She takes my bullshit and makes it all seem less heavy, less chaotic, less insane.  She puts up with me when I am insufferable to even myself.  She brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses away the pain and fills me with a kind of love I never knew existed until now.  She is everything, everything, everything.

And when I look at her, everything is good.  Life is just insanely, amazingly good.

Sometimes there’s airplanes I can’t jump out

Sometimes there’s bullshit that don’t work now

We are god of stories but please tell me

What there is to complain about

When you’re happy like a fool

Let it take you over

When everything is out

You gotta take it in

This has got to be the good life

You’ve got a feeling

like this city’s on fire tonight

This could really be a good life

A good, good life.